The fall into winter season is a time when many people are stretched too thinly with family, school, work and social commitments…and then the holidays hit.
Knowing that too many demands can play havoc with our health and well-being, now is the time to plan for a calmer, healthier and more connected holiday. That starts with being okay saying “no”.
Sometimes, the holidays are just too much: too much shopping and cooking, too many cheese balls and late nights, too much rushing, too much stress. ‘Tis not a season to be jolly!
The Stressful Season
Now, a little stress can be good for you. The anticipation before a speech or the thrill of a first date can motivate us to be ready and deliver the boost of energy we need to succeed.
But too much can lead to a host of physical and mental issues when cortisol and other stress hormones flood our systems and disrupt the body’s processes. This can lead to lack of sleep, elevated heart rate, trouble with digestion or muscle tension. When it’s chronic, stress makes us vulnerable to heart issues, depression and anxiety, weight gain, memory and concentration impairment and a suppressed immune system. All great reasons to practice saying ‘no’.
The Hardest Word
Some people are uncomfortable saying ”no” because there’s a fear of missing out or disappointing others. It’s easy to get caught up in what we think we should do without considering the consequences, and without realizing that we have choices.
It’s okay to need a break from the madness—or to prevent it from happening in the first place. ‘No’ can be a powerful, motivating word within a frame of selfcare and good mental health.
Repeat After Me
Sometimes, the best gift you can give to yourself, and your family, is a polite “no thank you”.
Repeat after me: “Thank you for the invitation but we’re not available to come this year. Let’s connect in the new year instead.”
Excuses and reasons aren’t necessary, nor are feelings of guilt. If pressed, honesty is the best policy:
“We’ve decided to have a quieter holiday this year, and to make quality family time a priority.”
“I’m tired so I’m going to look after myself with a quiet night a home.”
“It’s been crazy lately, so I’ve chosen downtime over crazy time.”
Make a Plan
The time to think about what kind of holiday you want—and what you’re willing to pay for it, literally and figuratively—comes before your calendar fills up.
- Talk to your family, partner or yourself about what kind of holiday you want and what matters most to everyone. Listen and be willing to compromise so everyone has a say. Write down the results and post on the fridge. These are the principles to guide your decisions.
- Consider the whole. Sure, you could go to the cookie swap, but what does that mean, really? Shopping for ingredients, prep, baking, clean-up, packaging, travel time…there’s a whole swirl of events that surrounds every activity, so be clear on what the commitment means in terms of time and effort.
- Discuss boundaries and shared responsibilities, so that the load doesn’t fall on one person.
- Create a calendar and include blocks of just family, recovery or down time.
Of course, everything can be negotiated, and you can change your mind if a juicy invitation comes along or if you decide not to do something after all.
Two Birds, One Stone
Think about how to spend quality time with friends without another night out. Invite friends to make cookies or other homemade gifts. Many hands make lighter work, everyone goes home with treats, and you’re off the hook to see them at another party.
Say No to a Financial Hangover
Set a budget. As well as gifts, make sure you include the costs of food and drink, activities, clothing, décor and anything else you may need or want.
Say Yes to Health
Take care of mind, body and soul to keep your immune system strong and your spirits high.
- Eat and sleep well, drink lots of water, and exercise.
- Unplug every day. Even a few minutes with a cup of tea or a short walk can recharge your batteries.
- Be present. Enjoy the decorations and lights.
- Count your blessings. Having many places to go and things to do is a form of abundance. Appreciate that thought and amplify it by acts of generosity to others who may feel lonely and disconnected.
Choose your ’Tude
You know it’s going to be busy, so find a way to be with it. Ride the wave without adding stressful thoughts to the load. And if you must go to the mall on a busy Saturday, find a quiet spot for a coffee. People watch. Breathe.
This article was published in The Good Life.
